All of a sudden, you walked back into my life.

Where have you been all my life?

Better question: where have I been all your life?

To take a leap away from the digital social networking lifestyle is not new. What is new however, is doing so knowing it has nothing to offer even as it stands by. Encountering the height of apathy and disappointment, I am going to abandon MSN for the time being.

Reason?

Simple: it has nothing to offer emotionally, physically, or intellectually. I am much better off spending my idling time reading, listening to music, recording videos, composing songs, learning some new techniques, or even playing dota. Any of the aforementioned options compensates so much more than staring at the list of disconnected, dispassionate people who seemingly live as virtual beings, unable to generate any form of happiness. I have surfeited my head with useless, futile expectations from a useless, futile crowd. But in the end, I am the one to blame. I have fabricated these assumptions and constituted arrogant walls, impenetrable and deceiving, even to myself. Especially to myself. I need to breakaway for a while, not sure how long, perhaps a day, a week, and perhaps for as long as I can foresee.

Operation ungeekify: Begin.

So that's why I haven't been able to post any new entries..

Ever since February, I have been using my "new" account wu.jeff@hotmail.com and of course, Windows recognizing that this blog is owned by my old account sonicviper64@hotmail.com, I haven't been able to post any new entries as a "browser."

Okay, composition will resume. Sorry for the half-year delay. Wait, sorry to who? To myself I guess.

Whatever. Updates:

1) Taking courses (specifically micro and macro).
2) Single as ever.
3) Summer is amazing.
4) Working out is amazing.
5) Body is amazing (or in the process of becoming so).
6) Low on money (but that's not new).

Okay, more updates are imminent.

Rotman Commerce Student Associations elections are approaching.

I won't lie, I'm a little uneasy.

But let's face it, I'm good enough and I know it. The people know it.

I just need to prove it to them again.

Concomitant to the burst of the dotcom bubble is an influx of innovation into the bright young minds of the Twenty-first century. From the Apple explosion of ingenuity in consumer electronics, to the globally hyped hub for video screaming Youtube, and finally to the post-Myspace FB era where stalkers are constantly updated with up-close-and-personal information about any one individual of their interest, everything has been part of the rush to design and creativity. Where does marketing play its role in this post-industrial world of IT and social networking? Let's face it, accounting, albeit secure for its guaranteed monetary and career returns, is banal as hell. Corporate advertisements do not delineate the harsh reality of a mundane, numbers-based lifestyle. Of course, in regards to those whom numbers may excite, it is a whole other fairytale. There is great, and perhaps necessary paucity of human resources in the marketing field, yet the lack thereof may dictate the availability of supply and hence embrace the meager demand with welcoming arms.

At the end of the day, what is truly palatable and sustainable in the career and not environmental sense (as this is the single most eminent topic of our generation) is what adheres to our private internal visions. Often times the external, which consists primarily of colleagues, authorities, and the media, will direct its target citizens towards the socially and economically beneficial norm, portraying the surface situation as a far more personal matter. It is ultimately up to the individual to fathom, analyze, and even depreciate what force the external sphere of influences exhibits on the individual's quintessential definition of achievement. Colloquially put, if I want to major in marketing and there are people out there demeaning me for it, I will climb to the top of the corporate latter one day to ultimately savor my career and personal life, as well as crush the dogmatism of those people through word of mouth.

31 days of distraction.
31 days of indolence.
31 days of deterioration.
31 days of disengagement.

Let's go back to the start, where my passion began, but not alone this time, yet with a sense of comfort and guidance.
Let's accept the facts and provisions of this situation, and then optimize our results given our resources and time.
Let's start from zero.
Let's go back to school. (determination, not frustration)

I hope you know.

I've deleted your pictures.
I've deleted your music.
I've deleted your information.
I've deleted you from my focus.

Good bye.

In a stage where oblivion meets potential, a sinking feeling ceases to die. It’s a rare phenomenon of nebulous thoughts and emotions, where vitality and depression converge. The vitality derives from prospects in career and achievement as well as a fresh start to university life, the depression, from isolation with the outside world. Of course, this is all part of a process, or so to speak, and I am only in this state temporarily. Some people accuse nighttime for these otiose fears and anxieties that oppress our minds into submission, and they say the daylight will restore reason into our heads. That may be true, except what happens the following night? And the night after? Are they not futile accusations after all? When day and night retain equal rights to time, the remedial effects of daylight will only suffice for so long until the creep crawls back to reunite with us. What is maturity? Surely, it is not the answer to responsibilities, because they too are temporary. Neither is it the solution to distance, because hearts wander, and commitment numbs personality. I must be somewhat on the abnormal side to be actually writing these things, but are my words nonsensical?

Commands actions without hesitation and exposes truth through them.
Disarms a man and disorients his goal, his career, his pursuits.
Drinks in relish and fulfillment when two are united in privacy.
Will not accept socially, mutually, practically favorable ends.
Is broken, then embraced, then shattered, then petted.
Overcomes logic and swells invariably, unceasingly.
Cannot fathom the tide of esoteric notions of love.
Speaks no language of human comprehension.
Allows no space for math and science.
Exceeds materialistic desire.
Breeds weakness.
Decimates pride.
Cries in agony.
Laughs in joy.
Bursts.
Loves.

Nobody said it was easy.

Deleted.

This is a new start, a new life. This is me turning back to the past and embracing it, despite the new me. This is me getting my head straight and understanding the circumstances at play here. This is me giving up blind opportunities for visible truths. This is me discarding uncertainty and installing courage. This is me letting go of all that I used to be, placing myself back on track, and making myself believe.

Stare at the phone.
Feel ambivalent between joy and anxiety.
Pick up the phone.
Smile with ease.
Become attached.
Hang up reluctantly.
Doubt myself and doubt truth.
Go back to staring blankly at economics.
Think about the Nash equilibrium and how it is reminiscent in society.
Stare at the phone again.
Smile to myself.

Basking under the sun, I try to enjoy the last few days of the summer heat. And the last few days of my time in China at that. Truth is I have never been more prepared to disembark this polluted land of the Orient. They say once you have resided at a place long enough, it becomes home. Well, that’s partially true, while the other part is that all my companions have already all abandoned this place, and they are the definitive elements to this concept of home, other than of course, my parents, which one is currently absent. On a side note, I have lately been captivated by a hit television series, The Office. Now, to set the records straight, I am not a TV person, so it can be deemed a miracle that I even attempted at an approach. To my surprise, highly uncalled for, it exhibited a gravitational pull that immediately seized my attention. It was the awkwardly dry humor that outsmarted me, who was impatiently expecting another laugh track flooded, cheesy, hackneyed sitcom series. Yet no, on the edge of my seat, I absorbed and embraced this wonder of drama and film. The exceptional timing, zooming, and in general editing of the camera, merged with the unprecedented, incomparable, remarkable actors (such as Steve Carell and Rainn Wilson) and actresses who excel and inspire wholly create this artistic and entertaining masterpiece. I admire such talents, and am convinced that the human race, blessed with these modern virtuosos, is truly not without hope.

Where are you from?

Oh here we go again...went to Vancouver...lived in China...and now I'm in Toronto.

Oh I see I see...Vancouver's nice huh?

No I just think it's really boring there.

Delete.
We will never meet again and I love her.

That summer brings indolence and analytical immobilization is a curse and a blessing at the same time. Upon days of meaningless void is casted a shadow that by no means is beneficial. It isn’t mentally, physically, and morally. Let me scrutinize the pieces bit by bit. Mentality. With hardly anything purposeful to do such as completing research papers and constantly upgrading our database of knowledge, we would more likely choose to stuff our mouths with blackforests and McDonald’s, and our eyes with substance that generally lacks any substance, and our buttocks with sofa and cushions. Physicality. Oh wait, buttocks count as part of our bodies. Other than buttocks, other tools such as our hands and legs deteriorate amidst our very own caustic gases, and our faces are coated by a layer of gleaming oil. Morality. Remember those days when you swore you would not spare a cigarette another thought? Well guess who’s starving for nicotine! And what about those movies you vowed to never watch again because they hurt your relationship with God? Or whoever is the crux of that faith? Oh and finally, why do we get so mean in the summer? We all just trip into this irate circle of spite, viewing life like it’s a hole – an abyss of unsatisfactory failures? What’s that I hear? It’s just me? Well, if you spoony little infants would like to stumble into my shoes for a day, then seal those vituperating lips and think for a moment.

That ideals collapse sooner or later has become part of this entire elucidation. And do not judge me to be a pessimist, for it is empirical evidence that truly counts, not foresight. It’s not the big picture either. No, it’s the nitty-gritty details that consume us stealthily, the invisible, intangible maggots that eat us away from the inside out. The once puerile and innocent me not so long ago was deceived by the pure, instilled notion that by some oddity, some aberrational chance, we would be the unique, admired, and lionized outliers. But, we are after all no less privileged than our next door neighbors. We are biologically engineered the same way as any other human being, with a few radical exceptions excluded, and there is little more subtle than the artful ways of our very own imagination. We fabricate and postulate with the wildest subjects, and play with mind fire all the time, juggling chance stones that were never even meant to be touched. And thus the rollercoaster of despair has returned, but it’s not even despair per se that devours the soul. No, rather it’s the miniscule strands of hope left lying around that breathes final painful breaths of life into the soul that turns it into the frog in the well.

To be labeled an identity theft is surely nothing pleasant, and a first at that. Could it be the excessive amount of plagiarism extant in this dead world? Perhaps. Yet, this does not hinder me, and it should not and will not, because this type of contempt is anything but essential. It humors me inestimably that such judgment can be made so swiftly, and such cursory opinions can be formulated within a single conversation’s share of time. It amuses me ever more so that one lacks the ability to grasp the concept of free will in the application of expression. One may simply elect a less formal, less intelligent mode for the mere sake of casual frivolity, youthful vigor, just as he or she may equally emphasis on a more erudite, a more articulate form depending on the circumstances. Flexibility is as any technique that one may utilize to filter out undesired subjects in his or her life. Here we witness, flexibility at its greatest.

Money is the root of all evil. It is also the root of misjudgment, misperception, and distortion. It does not appear logical to me that a mother would deem it necessary for her son to cut expenditures – of all kinds that is – from his own balance. Meagerly haircuts, insignificant contact lenses have all been misplaced from one category known as “necessities” to another often referred to as “unnecessary luxuries.” One would invariably argue that when a person is receiving income on a regular basis, his or her condign expenditures are self-indicted, and I could not agree less. Yet an income of 150 RMB a day is no income for an adult lifestyle. It should not, cannot be expected that an eighteen year old without a job is obliged to financially support himself, and quite humorously, this here is just the case. If money is a devil and a blessing at the same time, what is money?